Search results for: i-can-t-make-this-up

I Can t Make This Up

Author : Kevin Hart
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New York Times bestselling author, superstar comedian, and Hollywood box office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have a “hilarious but also heartfelt” (Elle) memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself. The question you’re probably asking yourself right now is: What does Kevin Hart have that a book also has? According to the three people who have seen Kevin Hart and a book in the same room, the answer is clear: A book is compact. Kevin Hart is compact. A book has a spine that holds it together. Kevin Hart has a spine that holds him together. A book has a beginning. Kevin Hart’s life uniquely qualifies him to write this book by also having a beginning. It begins in North Philadelphia. He was born an accident, unwanted by his parents. His father was a drug addict who was in and out of jail. His brother was a crack dealer and petty thief. And his mother was overwhelmingly strict, beating him with belts, frying pans, and his own toys. The odds, in short, were stacked against our young hero. But Kevin Hart, like Ernest Hemingway, J.K. Rowling, and Chocolate Droppa before him, was able to defy the odds and turn it around. In his literary debut, he takes us on a journey through what his life was, what it is today, and how he’s overcome each challenge to become the man he is today. And that man happens to be the biggest comedian in the world, with tours that sell out football stadiums and films that have collectively grossed over $3.5 billion. He achieved this not just through hard work, determination, and talent. “Hart is an incredibly magnetic storyteller, on the page as he is onstage, and that’s what shines through [in this] genial, entertaining guide to a life in comedy” (Kirkus Reviews).

You Couldn t Make It Up

Author : Jeremy Kyle
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The follow up to the top five Sunday Times bestseller I'm Only Being Honest reveals Jeremy Kyle's lighter side as he opens up on topics such as celebrity, middle age, parenting and Gordon Brown. Love him or loathe him, you can't ignore Jeremy Kyle... Is he the most opinionated man on television or the only man who has the balls to say what we're all thinking? He pulls no punches on stage but when the studio lights are turned down and the cameras stop rolling, what is it really like being Jeremy Kyle, one of the nation's most controversial celebrities? Moreover, how would he cope if the focus of his famed straight-talking was... himself? In You Couldn't Make It Up Jeremy tells us exactly what life is like inside the 'crazy celebrity circus', complete with the rollercoaster ride of his accidental TV career and all the highs and lows of his personal life. Read how he really feels about his fellow celebrities; how he's coping with the minefield that is middle age and being a modern dad; uncover what Jeremy thinks about the true state of the nation and what he'd really like to do to our politicians! Funny, self-deprecating and bursting with his trademark honesty, You Couldn't Make It Up shows us the Jeremy Kyle 'not seen on TV', and it's as entertaining and outspoken as the man who is.

You Can t Make This Stuff Up

Author : Jay Laszlow Porter
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Most of the stories in this book are those that I lived throughout my life. I recently retired, and I had the time to write these stories down. At least as many as I can remember (memory may not my best trait anymore). Someone often says something that triggers the depths of my memory. I wrote down a note to remind myself, and then I added that item to this book. There are over 230 such stories here. I removed the names and places from my stories, to protect the innocent.

My Cave My View

Author : Gary Torres
File Size : 49.34 MB
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Gary has used a Twain-like humor with a folksy small town snapshot of life to make us stop and reconsider our own life. He opens up with humor and tenderness that will bring laughter and tears from the same page as he paints pictures of the people, places, and activities that surround him. He and his dog Turbo, his too kind and loving wife, and four children are the innocents abroad on a raft made of love, pain, laughter, and hope that is floating the mighty Mississippi of life somewhere in the West. From his experience raising kids, fighting cancer, running marathons his insights are like barbs on a fence that grab hold of you. Each section of the book contains small snippets of life and insights that make the reader pause to laugh at the character and themselves. BATTLE OF THE SEXES: There it blanket, one bed, two people. It is almost certain that someone is going to be cold tonight. Oh sure, we act cordial enough, remove our slippers, plump our pillows, shake the sheets, then position the mutual blanket and snuggle in for a good night’s sleep; a wonderful ending to the age old battle of the sexes. A temporary truce of sorts, can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY: “You drive me crazy.” There was a time when my wife said those words, and that was a good thing. Now, when she says those words, it is with a different tone and a different meaning. It’s more like, “YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY!!!” And after being married and having kids I have come to decide that it is the little things that will eventually drive a person crazy. BAGS, CHAPSTICK, AND SHOPPING: I’m sitting here in my cave, talking to my dog, Turbo. “Do ya think that we’ll ever understand women?” He looked up, smiled and wagged his tail; I think he thought I said, “Would ya like a bite of my sandwich?” Whenever I talk, he must always think I say that, because he always smiles and wags his tail the same way. MYOWN EMERGENCY ROOM VISIT: Well I can tell you one thing. Don’t be going to the hospital if you want to get rest and relaxation. Just about the time I would fall asleep, some nurse would come in and shake me and say, “How ya feeling? Are you getting plenty of rest? I need some more blood. This is going to sting just a tiny bit.” And proceed to play pin the tail on the donkey again. Frankly, I was tired of the game and didn’t want to be the donkey anymore (although many think I am a natural for the part).

Can t Make This Stuff Up

Author : Susannah B. Lewis
File Size : 20.33 MB
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In her highly-anticipated nonfiction debut, humorist and popular blogger Susannah B. Lewis (Whoa! Susannah) uses dry wit and an eye for the absurd to find laughter in even the most challenging circumstances. Millions of online fans have flocked to Susannah B. Lewis's hysterical, take-no-prisoners videos that capture her uproarious yet deeply faithful view of the world. Now she brings to book form her keen eye for the absurd as she reveals her experiences growing up in a small Tennessee town. From the time an escaped albino panther wandered into her backyard to the Thanksgiving when an egg in the table's centerpiece hatched a baby chicken to the kind neighbors who brought casseroles in Tupperware for months—even years—after her father died when she was just eleven years old, the stories she tells delve deeply into the rich culture of the South that molded her. Clinging to the promises of God in times of grief and looking for every opportunity to laugh, Lewis is the wry yet wise girl next door who invites you to sit a spell beside her on the front porch.


Author : Larry Malcolm
File Size : 86.99 MB
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The reason I wrote this book was to make available stories that prove it is not too late. I had discernment that I should write short stories and mix various topics with both humor and eternal consequences. On October 30, 2012, I was on an elevator flirting with several women. I walked off that elevator with an idea: a book about flirting. During the first week of November 2012, I asked Jesus to give me ideas for a book. In 48 hours, the Holy Spirit gave me 130 ideas for a book. Sixty weeks and 950 hours of work later, I have a complete manuscript. The Bible says I’m just a filthy rag. I’m not a preacher because I’m not called and would be unworthy. I’m not a teacher because I would have no patience, and I’m not a speaker because I’m very shy with large groups. Therefore, the printed virgin*. Maybe I’m an explainer. I prefer to explain my faults and sins rather than point at others. There is a fine line between being judgmental and attempting to explain the truth. I once was told from an old-fashioned “fire and brimstone” preacher that he did not judge people, but people judged themselves with their actions. If U are truly told by “the Son of God” to give someone a message, U better do it. U are not going to like your life for being disobedient. However, U may temporarily not like your life for being obedient. It is a strange dichotomy in the dilemma of life. We have to not wither but have planted seeds in the good ground of life to withstand the persecution. I truly hope those who may feel offended by my humor or Bible’s truths . . . will understand that I’m speaking from my heart and only want to help, and I’m incapable of expressing the right words at the right time in person. Please remember I’m in this struggle too. Just because I have written a book . . . does not mean I am exempted from hell. A walk with Jesus and temptation from the devil is a daily battle. I need your prayers. I’m a long ways from where I want to be in Christ. Larry

You Can t Make This Stuff Up

Author : Lee Gutkind
File Size : 64.10 MB
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From "the godfather behind creative nonfiction" (Vanity Fair) comes this indispensable how-to for nonfiction writers of all levels and genres, "reminiscent of Stephen King's fiction handbook On Writing" (Kirkus). Whether you're writing a rags-to-riches tell-all memoir or literary journalism, telling true stories well is hard work. In You Can't Make This Stuff Up, Lee Gutkind, the go-to expert for all things creative nonfiction, offers his unvarnished wisdom to help you craft the best writing possible. Frank, to-the-point, and always entertaining, Gutkind describes and illustrates every aspect of the genre. Invaluable tools and exercises illuminate key steps, from defining a concept and establishing a writing process to the final product. Offering new ways of understanding the genre, this practical guidebook will help you thoroughly expand and stylize your work.

You Can t Make This Stuff Up

Author : Leslie Cruzen Millwee
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If you've laughed about your childhood and felt like you were all alone out there dealing with crazy families, loony people, and your own fragile ego, then you've met your match! Author Leslie Millwee has some stories that will make your crazy tales seem tame. A true Southern girl, Millwee examines life through the eyes of a child, As a young woman, and as a grown-up Southern belle who finally addresses why all things happen for a reason. Surviving a crazy childhood and enjoying what she learned from life's lessons, she has a quirky and different take on what normal really is. Join in on this playful, better-than-fiction read! It's true—You Really Can't Make This Stuff Up!

You Can T Make This Stuff Up Tales from a Judicial Diva

Author : Vanessa D. Gilmore
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Is it possible to be a judge and have a sense of humor too? Judge Vanessa Gilmore shows us that the answer is a resounding yes! In this humorous, autobiographical collection of short stories, Judge Gilmore reveals a glimpse of life on and off the bench. A master storyteller, and a lover of all things funny, Judge Gilmore would often regale her friends at parties with tales of her life. When she related a story about a criminal defendant who was flirting with her as she took his plea, and another who dressed as king during his trial, her friends insisted that these stories could not be true. This book shows us that life really is stranger and funnier than fiction. From hilarious tales of flirting criminals and fighting lawyers, to heart warming stories of time spent mentoring young girls, we see it all through the eyes of a judge. Vanessa found humor when a man in a restaurant insisted that she should stop saying she was a federal judge because it just sounded too far fetched and vindication when her young son asked if boys could be judges too. This book will leave you laughing and asking if life as a judge can really be this much fun.

You Just Can t Make This Stuff Up

Author : Craig G. Danforth
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You will be taken on an imaginative ride along into to the real world of Emergency Medicine, while exposed to all of the madness, sadness, stresses and rewards that were experienced along the way. The stories you will read are all very true and have occurred over the past 20 years, working in the EMS field. Some of you will laugh till you cry, others will shake your heads and say “there is no way that could happen”. Weather you believe it or not, you just can’t make this stuff up!