The Unnoticeables

A Novel

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Author: Robert Brockway

Publisher: Tor Books

ISBN: 1466869305

Category: Fiction

Page: 288

View: 1570

From Robert Brockway, Sr. Editor and Columnist of Cracked.com comes The Unnoticeables, a funny and frightening urban fantasy. There are angels, and they are not beneficent or loving. But they do watch over us. They watch our lives unfold, analyzing us for repeating patterns and redundancies. When they find them, the angels simplify those patterns and remove the redundancies, and the problem that is "you" gets solved. Carey doesn't much like that idea. As a punk living in New York City, 1977, Carey is sick and tired of watching strange kids with unnoticeable faces abduct his friends. He doesn't care about the rumors of tar-monsters in the sewers or unkillable psychopaths invading the punk scene—all he wants is to drink cheap beer and dispense ass-kickings. Kaitlyn isn't sure what she's doing with her life. She came to Hollywood in 2013 to be a stunt woman, but last night a former teen heartthrob tried to eat her, her best friend has just gone missing, and there's an angel outside her apartment. Whatever she plans on doing with her life, it should probably happen in the few remaining minutes she has left. There are angels. There are demons. They are the same thing. It's up to Carey and Kaitlyn to stop them. The survival of the human race is in their hands. We are, all of us, well and truly screwed. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

The Unnoticeables

A Novel

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Author: Robert Brockway

Publisher: Macmillan

ISBN: 076537966X

Category: Fiction

Page: 288

View: 3329

"There are angels, and they are not beneficent or loving. But they do watch over us: they watch our lives unfold, analyzing us for repeating patterns and redundancies. When they find them, the angels simplify those patterns and remove the redundancies, and the problem that is 'you' gets solved. Carey doesn't much like that idea. As a punk living in New York City, 1977, Carey is sick and tired of watching strange kids with unnoticeable faces abduct his friends"--

The Unnoticeables

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Author: Robert Brockway

Publisher: Titan Books

ISBN: 1783297980

Category: Fiction

Page: 288

View: 2113

In 1970's New York City, all Carey wants is to drink cheap beer and dispense ass-kickings, until kids with unnoticeable faces start abducting his punk friends. In present-day Hollywood, stuntwoman Kaitlyn is trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life when a former teen heartthrob tries to eat her and her best friend goes missing. The survival of the human race is in Carey and Kaitlyn's hands. We are truly screwed.

Kill All Angels

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Author: Robert Brockway

Publisher: Tor Books

ISBN: 1466869321

Category: Fiction

Page: 320

View: 3132

The concluding volume in the humorous punk rock adventure that began with The Unnoticeables and The Empty Ones. After the events of the first two books of the Vicious Circuit series, Carey and Randall reached LA during the early '80s punk scene, which was heavily mixed up with Chinatown. A young Chinese girl with silver hair is the Empty One that seems to run things there, and her ex-lover, an Empty One named Zang, has apparently turned against them and may or may not be on Carey's side. In modern times, Kaitlyn and company have also returned to LA because her powers have been growing and she has been having visions that may be telling her how to kill all of the angels. The downside being that they have to find a new one, first--and LA is the only place they know where to do that. Steeped in the LA punk scene in the '80s, Chinatown, sunken suburbs, the ocean and gargantuan things that swim in it, Kill All Angels is everything that fans of Robert Brockway's irreverent humor have been looking for to end the series with a bang. The Vicious Circuit Trilogy The Unnoticeables The Empty Ones Kill All Angels At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

The Empty Ones

A Novel

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Author: Robert Brockway

Publisher: Macmillan

ISBN: 0765379686

Category: Fiction

Page: 288

View: 3029

1977 was a bad year for Carey: The NYC summer was brutally hot, he barely made rent on his apartment, and most of his friends were butchered by a cult that worships the quantum angel he helped give birth to. He needs a vacation. You know where there’s supposed to be a killer punk scene? London. Oh, plus the leader of the aforementioned murderous cult is building an army there in an attempt to solve the world, once and for all. Time to mix business with pleasure. Along the way, maybe he’ll make some friends that won’t try to kill him, or even meet a nice girl who eats angels for supper and can kick a man in half. 1978 is looking better already... 2013 was a bad year for Kaitlyn, too: LA was distinctly unkind to her aspirations towards a career in stunt work, she hooked up with her childhood crush—a B-list celebrity heartthrob named Marco—and he turned out to be an immortal psychopath trying to devour her soul, and she accidentally killed the angel Marco and his bizarre cult worshipped. Now she’s on the run through the American Southwest. She heard Marco’s filming a new show in Mexico, though, so all she has to do is cross the border, navigate a sea of acidic sludge monsters, and find a way to kill an unkillable monster before he sacrifices her and her friends to his extra-dimensional god. Nobody said a career in the entertainment industry would be easy. Following on the heels of his hilarious and horrifying novel The Unnoticeables, Robert Brockway’s The Empty Ones is like any good punk band: just when you think it can’t get any louder, they somehow turn it up a notch. It’s terrifying and hilarious, visceral and insane, chaotic and beautiful. “The Unnoticeables is a nightmarish and hilarious tour through modern-day Hollywood, the 1970s New York punk scene, and Robert Brockway’s own diseased mind.” —David Wong

Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody

The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead

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Author: Robert Brockway

Publisher: Three Rivers Press

ISBN: 0307464350

Category: Humor

Page: 288

View: 4383

Just when you thought you’d accepted your own mortality . . . Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody is bringing panic back. Twenty illustrated, hilariously fear-inducing essays reveal the chilling and very real experiments, dangerous emerging technologies, and terrifying natural disasters that soon could—or very nearly already did—bring about the end of humanity. In short, everything in here will kill you and everyone you love. At any moment. And nobody’s told you about it—until now: • Experiments in green energy like the HiPER, which uses massive lasers to create a tiny “contained” sun; it’s an idea that could save the world if it doesn’t consume us all in a fiery fusion reaction first. • Global disasters like the hypercane—a hurricane so large it could cover all of North America and shoot trailer parks into space! • Terrifying new developments in robotics like the EATR, which powers itself on meat—an invention in the running for “Worst Decision Made by Anybody.” From the Trade Paperback edition.

Rx

A Tale of Electronegativity

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Author: Robert Brockway

Publisher: Createspace Independent Pub

ISBN: 9781482520217

Category: Fiction

Page: 339

View: 5635

Red is a chemical beta tester. It's a nice way of saying 'professional drug addict.'But that's not a problem: Everybody in the Four Posts is nursing an addiction to something. In fact, the city's entire economy is based on Presence -- a chemical hallucinogen that lets the user peek into history. Red's talent for mixing new and interesting narcotic concoctions is usually good for a quick buck and a cheap laugh, but this time something's gone wrong. After huffing a new prototype strain of Presence from Hockner Industries, he's awoken to find himself in violation of a Non-Disclosure Agreement. A crime punishable by death.Red's only hope for salvation lies in a mysterious contact with all the answers and seemingly infinite resources. But to get to him, Red must first navigate the claustrophobic theater of the 'Wells, where nobody is what they seem, escape the clutches of a mad, phallus-obsessed ghetto king, and seek protection from the murderous grey boatmen, all while his frightening and increasingly real hallucinations tear him apart from the inside out. With the help of QC, a walking nanotech factory, and Byron, an upper-class slacker literally addicted to the past, Red must discover what the strange experimental drug is doing to his mind. And he better be quick about it, before the pair of sinister, faceless recovery agents catch up to him...and burn him alive.

This Book Is Full of Spiders

Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It

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Author: David Wong

Publisher: Macmillan

ISBN: 1250017904

Category: Fiction

Page: 416

View: 1328

From the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes. WARNING: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR. You will dismiss this as ridiculous fear-mongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fear-mongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection -- the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chainsaw tastes like. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You can't see it, because it decides what you see. You won't even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed. So what happens when your family, friends and neighbors get mind-controlling skull spiders? We're all about to find out. Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I'm just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won't hold it against you if you're upset. I know that's just the spider talking.

John Dies at the End

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Author: David Wong

Publisher: Macmillan

ISBN: 031255513X

Category: Fiction

Page: 375

View: 4753

A full-length tale based on the cult online serial by the editor-in-chief of Cracked.com finds an increasing number of people changed into threatening inhuman creatures by a hallucinogen, a situation that places the fate of the world in the hands of a pair of anti-heroes. 50,000 first printing.

Notes from the Internet Apocalypse

A Novel

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Author: Wayne Gladstone

Publisher: Macmillan

ISBN: 1466843349

Category: Fiction

Page: 224

View: 9959

When the Internet suddenly stops working, society reels from the loss of flowing data and streaming entertainment. Addicts wander the streets talking to themselves in 140 characters or forcing cats to perform tricks for their amusement, while the truly desperate pin their requests for casual encounters on public bulletin boards. The economy tumbles and the government passes the draconian NET Recovery Act. For Gladstone, the Net's disappearance comes particularly hard, following the loss of his wife, leaving his flask of Jamesons and grandfather's fedora as the only comforts in his Brooklyn apartment. But there are rumors that someone in New York is still online. Someone set apart from this new world where Facebook flirters "poke" each other in real life and members of Anonymous trade memes at secret parties. Where a former librarian can sell information as a human search engine and the perverted fulfill their secret fetishes at the blossoming Rule 34 club. With the help of his friends---a blogger and a webcam girl, both now out of work---Gladstone sets off to find the Internet. But is he the right man to save humanity from this Apocalypse? For those of you wondering if you have WiFi right now, Wayne Gladstone's Notes from the Internet Apocalypse examines the question "What is life without the Web?"

What the Hell Did I Just Read

A Novel of Cosmic Horror

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Author: David Wong

Publisher: John Dies at the End

ISBN: 1250040205

Category: Fiction

Page: 384

View: 9120

It's the story "They" don't want you to read. Though, to be fair, "They" are probably right about this one. To quote the Bible, "Learning the truth can be like loosening a necktie, only to realize it was the only thing keeping your head attached." No, don't put the book back on the shelf -- it is now your duty to purchase it to prevent others from reading it. Yes, it works with e-books, too, I don't have time to explain how. While investigating a fairly straightforward case of a shape-shifting interdimensional child predator, Dave, John and Amy realized there might actually be something weird going on. Together, they navigate a diabolically convoluted maze of illusions, lies, and their own incompetence in an attempt to uncover a terrible truth they -- like you -- would be better off not knowing. Your first impulse will be to think that a story this gruesome -- and, to be frank, stupid -- cannot possibly be true. That is precisely the reaction "They" are hoping for. John Dies at the End's "smart take on fear manages to tap into readers' existential dread on one page, then have them laughing the next" (Publishers Weekly) and This Book is Full of Spiders was "unlike any other book of the genre" (Washington Post). Now, New York Times bestselling author David Wong is back with What the Hell Did I Just Read, the third installment of this black-humored thriller series.

The Book of Word Records

A Look at Some of the Strangest, Shortest, Longest, and Overall Most Remarkable Words in the English Language

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Author: Asher Cantrell

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1440563314

Category: Reference

Page: 272

View: 8228

From antidisestablishmentarianism to zo, a unrivaled collection of today's greatest words! Have you ever wondered what the longest word in the dictionary is? Or the origin of your go-to curse word? With The Book of Word Records, you'll uncover hundreds of bizarre, ugly, gross, and otherwise extreme words that have what it takes to break some serious records. From the seven longest speeches ever given to twelve of the most popular passwords used today, each of these entries reveals the history behind the world's most noteworthy expressions and fascinating details on how they stack up against the competition. You'll also learn how to step up your vocabulary with pronunciations, definitions, and sample sentences for each award-winning word. Whether you're a Scrabble champ looking to get a high score or just want to impress those around you, The Book of Word Records is sure to surprise even the most skilled wordsmith with its one-of-a-kind superlative lists.

Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits

A Novel

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Author: David Wong

Publisher: Macmillan

ISBN: 1250040191

Category: Fiction

Page: 384

View: 6621

New York Times bestselling author David Wong takes readers to a whole new level with his latest darkly comic sci-fi thriller.

Three Days in April

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Author: Edward Ashton

Publisher: HarperCollins

ISBN: 0062439286

Category: Fiction

Page: 384

View: 9723

Anders Jensen is having a bad month. His roommate is a data thief, his girlfriend picks fights in bars, and his best friend is a cyborg…and a lousy tipper. When everything is spiraling out of control, though, maybe those are exactly the kind of friends you need. In a world divided between the genetically engineered elite and the unmodified masses, Anders is an anomaly: engineered, but still broke and living next to a crack house. All he wants is to land a tenure-track faculty position, and maybe meet someone who’s not technically a criminal-but when a nightmare plague rips through Hagerstown, Anders finds himself dodging kinetic energy weapons and government assassins as Baltimore slips into chaos. His friends aren’t as helpless as they seem, though, and his girlfriend’s street-magician brother-in-law might be a pretentious hipster - or might hold the secret to saving them all. Frenetic and audacious, Three Days in April is a speculative thriller that raises an important question: once humanity goes down the rabbit hole, can we ever find our way back?

Joe Weller Explores: Haunted Hotel

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Author: Joe Weller

Publisher: Headline

ISBN: 1472252616

Category: Fiction

Page: 192

View: 8235

For fans of The Sidemen, a hilariously spooky choose-your-own-adventure book from YouTube sensation Joe Weller. Join Joe as he explores a haunted hotel, where petrifying paranormal surprises can lurk in every dark corner. You can stick with Joe or you can choose your own path and make your way through the building as you encounter long eerie corridors, experience horrific chills and not to forget, you may witness Joe behaving like an absolute nut-job. Enter at your own peril. And be sure to bring a torch with you as it's going to be one unforgettable adventure.

Unwept

Book One of The Nightbirds

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Author: Tracy Hickman,Laura Hickman

Publisher: Macmillan

ISBN: 0765332035

Category: Fiction

Page: 272

View: 1625

A woman who has lost her memory in a Maine seaside town, tries to determine who she can trust, including the phantom suitors in her dreams, in the first volume of a new fantasy trilogy by the authors of Dragonlance. 30,000 first printing.

Cat Out of Hell

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Author: Lynne Truss

Publisher: Melville House

ISBN: 1612194435

Category: Fiction

Page: 240

View: 1087

Acclaimed New York Times bestselling author Lynne Truss (Eats, Shoots & Leaves) is back with a mesmerizing and hilarious tale of cats and murder For people who both love and hate cats comes the tale of Alec Charlesworth, a librarian who finds himself suddenly alone: he’s lost his job, his beloved wife has just died. Overcome by grief, he searches for clues about her disappearance in a file of interviews between a man called "Wiggy" and a cat, Roger. Who speaks to him. It takes a while for Alec to realize he’s not gone mad from grief, that the cat is actually speaking to Wiggy . . . and that much of what we fear about cats is true. They do think they’re smarter than humans, for one thing. And, well, it seems they are! What’s more, they do have nine lives. Or at least this one does – Roger’s older than Methuselah, and his unblinking stare comes from the fact that he’s seen it all. And he’s got a tale to tell, a tale of shocking local history and dark forces that may link not only the death of Alec’s wife, but also several other local deaths. But will the cat help Alec, or is he one of the dark forces? In the deft and comedic hands of mega-bestseller Lynne Truss, the story is as entertaining as it is addictive” (The Sunday Telegraph) – an increasingly suspenseful and often hysterically funny adventure that will please cat lovers and haters alike. And afterwards, as one critic noted, “You may never look at a cat in quite the same way again” (The Daily Mail).

The Brotherhood of the Wheel

A Novel

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Author: R. S. Belcher

Publisher: Macmillan

ISBN: 0765380285

Category: Fiction

Page: 384

View: 8537

R.S. Belcher, the acclaimed author of The Six-Gun Tarot and The Shotgun Arcana launches a gritty new urban fantasy series about the mysterious society of truckers known only as, The Brotherhood of The Wheel. In 1119 A.D., a group of nine crusaders became known as the Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon--a militant monastic order charged with protecting pilgrims and caravans traveling on the roads to and from the Holy Land. In time, the Knights Templar would grow in power and, ultimately, be laid low. But a small offshoot of the Templars endure and have returned to the order's original mission: to defend the roads of the world and guard those who travel on them. Theirs is a secret line of knights: truckers, bikers, taxi hacks, state troopers, bus drivers, RV gypsies--any of the folks who live and work on the asphalt arteries of America. They call themselves the Brotherhood of the Wheel. Jimmy Aussapile is one such knight. He's driving a big rig down South when a promise to a ghostly hitchhiker sets him on a quest to find out the terrible truth behind a string of children gone missing all across the country. The road leads him to Lovina Hewitt, a skeptical Louisiana State Police investigator working the same case and, eventually, to a forgotten town that's not on any map--and to the secret behind the eerie Black-Eyed Kids said to prowl the highways.

The H. P. Lovecraft Collection

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Author: H. P. Lovecraft

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1682991660

Category: Fiction

Page: 2665

View: 9855

Howard Phillips Lovecraft was an American author who achieved posthumous fame through his influential works of horror fiction. Virtually unknown and only published in pulp magazines before he died in poverty, he is now regarded as one of the most significant 20th-century authors in his genre. This volume features 65 of his most important works, including 'The Beast in the Cave;' 'The Alchemist;' 'The Tomb;' 'Dagon;' 'Polaris;' 'Beyond the Wall of Sleep;' 'Memory;' 'The Transition of Juan Romeo;' 'The White Ship;' 'The Doom That Came To Sarnath;' 'The Statement of Randolph Carter;' 'The Terrible Old Man;' 'The Tree;' 'The Cats of Ulthar;' 'The Temple;' 'Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and his Family;' 'The Street;' 'Poetry of the Gods;' 'Celephaïs;' 'From Beyond;' 'Nyarlathotep;' 'The Picture in the House;' 'The Crawling Chaos;' 'Ex Oblivione;' 'The Nameless City;' 'The Quest of Iranon;' 'The Moon-Bog;' 'The Outsider;' 'The Other Gods;' 'The Music of Erich Zann;' 'Herbert West: Reanimator;' 'Hypnos;' 'What the Moon Brings;' 'Azathoth;' 'The Horror at Martin's Beach;' 'The Hound;' 'The Lurking Fear;' 'The Rats in the Walls;' 'The Unnamable;' 'Imprisoned with the Pharaohs;' 'The Shunned House;' 'The Horror at Red Hook;' 'He;' 'In the Vault;' 'The Descendant;' 'Cool Air;' 'The Call of Cthulhu;' 'Pickman's Model;' 'The Silver Key;' 'The Strange High House in the Mist;' 'The Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath;' 'The Case of Charles Dexter Ward;' 'The Colour Out of Space;' 'The Very Old Folk;' 'The Dunwich Horror;' 'Medusa's Coil;' 'The Whisperer in Darkness;' 'At the Mountains of Madness;' 'The Dreams in the Witch-House;' 'Through the Gates of the Silver Key;' 'The Thing on the Doorstep;' 'The Evil Clergyman;' 'The Book;' 'The Shadow Out Of Time;' and 'The Haunter of the Dark.'

Apathy and Other Small Victories

A Novel

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Author: Paul Neilan

Publisher: St. Martin's Press

ISBN: 1429907347

Category: Fiction

Page: 240

View: 3475

A scathingly funny debut novel about disillusionment, indifference, and one man's desperate fight to assign absolutely no meaning to modern life. The only thing Shane cares about is leaving. Usually on a Greyhound bus, right before his life falls apart again. Just like he planned. But this time it's complicated: there's a sadistic corporate climber who thinks she's his girlfriend, a rent-subsidized affair with his landlord's wife, and the bizarrely appealing deaf assistant to Shane's cosmically unstable dentist. When one of the women is murdered, and Shane is the only suspect who doesn't care enough to act like he didn't do it, the question becomes just how he'll clear the good name he never had and doesn't particularly want: his own. “The malaise of cubicle culture may be well-trodden comedic territory by now, but Neilan's debut skewers office life with a flourish for the grotesque.” —The Village Voice